It is an institutional feature, appearing on every American Calendar: the 3rd Monday of February is “President’s Day.” Originally, Washington’s Birthday, it was later coupled with Lincoln’s Birthday and eventually morphed into today’s “Presidents Day.” The holiday now is a commemoration for “all” American Presidents who have guided our nation over the hundreds of years of its existence.
It would accordingly seem necessary to establish a distinctly separate day, perhaps the Tuesday following the institutional holiday, to recognize the unique legacy of the current President, so that his memorable persona and term of occupancy of the White House will not besmirch the history of his predecessors; as the proverbial “bad apple” that “spoils the barrel.” In light of the overt reaction of so many citizens who denied his status as the leader of our country and of the free world, we might properly name it “Non-President’s day.” As far as the current holder of the office is concerned, he will predictably be delighted; his reductive and egoistic personality perceiving, simply and only, that he, no doubt for some good reason, is honored exclusively, in historic contrast to all the past Presidents.
With regard to the Presidents included as a class, in the traditional “Presidents’ Day,” many observant citizens honor the memory of one President or another by symbolic observance such as, baking cherry pie for the Washington story about cutting down the proverbial cherry tree, wearing stovepipe hats and chopping firewood to commemorate the mythical Lincoln or the wearing of Bermuda shorts and shouting “bully” to remember Theodore Roosevelt.
Since we have, only now, created the novel American holiday, “Non-President’s Day,” we thought it fair and appropriate to furnish some assistance in its elective, symbolic commemoration:
- Without regard to the temperature, wear an (open) heavy blue coat,
- As soon as possible, purchase and wear a red tie; if the storekeeper advises you that he does not have any red ties in stock, charge out of the store, immediately, shouting the word, “loser!”
- Dye your hair orange and as well, dye your pet’s hair orange for the day; if orange is not readily available, use dirty blond color,
- Wear a printed sandwich sign advertising Ivana merchandise for sale, at least for three hours,
- Tape a smart phone to both of your ears, pre-set to ring at 3:A.M.,
- Avoid being seen in close proximity to a library, school or other institution of learning,
- Have a public rally organized at which attendees, either continuously shout, “Trump” Trump” or alternatively, “Jail Hillary!”
- Speak in superlatives about many wonderful things and then, shortly thereafter denigrate them,
- Attend as many gambling casinos as possible, in Nevada, Atlantic City or Connecticut, being sure to shout the word, “losers” at everyone with the exception of shapely blonds.
It is hoped that the above suggested observances will be of assistance to the many voters who put the new President in office, and who will have his name and their future pangs of conscience enshrined for all time.
–p.
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