Considering the eternal, unrelenting maelstrom, surging through the entire spectrum of the media, containing disheartening and confusing news accounts, the urgent need of exhausted members of the public for a simple respite or short break is virtually palpable. In such exigent circumstance, we would strongly recommend a healing excursion to “Harmonia.” Harmonia is a province in very close proximity to where you may happen to be at any time, and the trip is exceedingly simple and effortless in every respect. No travel agent reservations, no ticket or passport, nor luggage are ever needed. There are no arrangements for ground transportation, no check-in or seat assignment required.
Travel time is uncommonly short with no consideration necessary as to time zones, and absolutely no jet lag whatsoever. Further, your unassigned seat is eternally available. Prior to embarkation, you will want to have selected a quiet moment in time such that there is little potential for third party interruption or other stimuli. The trip itself is incomparably comfortable with no flight turbulence or any other inconvenience. It is, in fact, to be experienced in your favorite easy chair, the one you preferably use for reading or listening to good music. After a last minute “flight check” of the immediate surroundings, to be assured of continued peace and non-disturbance, you gently and slowly exhale, close your eyes and, as possible, reject all extraneous thoughts. You will, no doubt, note the absence of flight attendants, pilot announcements or proffered magazines.
Once thus comfortably seated, you will be adequately prepared to commence your entry into the environs of Harmonia. On this magical voyage you will have the unprecedented luxury of a choice of either a seaside, woodland or lakeside environment. Not only will you be warmly welcomed at any of those chosen settings, but you will be strongly encouraged to make many other return visits.
Should you elect to remain in Harmonia for any extended period of time at all, it would be helpful to be acquainted with some of that province’s features, it’s very many benefits, and it’s relatively few requirements. Additionally, you should be aware that many multiple visits will entitle you to the status of citizenship, if desired.
Every individual citizen of Harmonia is mandatorily granted one personal tree, free of charge, supplied by the province operating committee. Your designated tree would be planted at the place of your choice, or in such close proximity to you as possible, to make your visits to it convenient; suitable adjustments would be made by the operating committee should you change your venue. Arborists would be free of charge and always available in case of systemic tree problems.
In the absence of any need for an existing military or an extensive police force in the province, the unexpended capitol which would be otherwise necessary for their maintenance is added to the capital accounts of the province. Under the capable stewardship of the operating committee, said moneys are readily available for the funding of the many required free services for the inhabitants which include, education at all levels, unlimited and competent health service, environmental protective services, and citizens in need of food, clothing and adequate housing.
With regard to the subject of food, residents are encouraged to occasionally attend communal dinners hosted by citizens of alternating foreign ethnos and cultures, for the benefit of educative and neighborly experience derived from such social interaction, as well as their culinary enjoyment.
The weather is uniformly sunny and mild, and the air is clean the latter, due to the exclusive use of renewable, natural power sources such as sun, wind, hydroelectric force and suitable vegetation. Curiously, there is some suggestion of a faint, sweet floral scent, probably due to the plethora of citizen owned trees.
Libraries, art galleries and institutions of learning are regularly open to admittance and are free of charge; if desired, credits can be accumulated for regular attendance in order to qualify for membership in the provincial operating committee.
There are very few restrictions on behavior in the province which include, the use of electronic means of conversation in lieu of natural and personal face to face talk, and the discouragement from use of certain words such as “race, or racial,” “winner, “ loser,” “queer” and a few others, including expletives.
In keeping with our sincere and solicitous interest in the preservation of your emotional health, we would earnestly suggest that upon your return home you, initially, sit quietly for at least 15 minutes before re-entering Trump country.