El Paso, Texas
Since I received your nice letter of March 13, a lot of things have happened here in the supposedly, quiet and peaceful Village of Wistful Vista. Clarence and Josephina Fudge’s eldest daughter, Binny, (the one with the slight limp) who, as you know, had been engaged to Byron Pecksniff, broke off the wedding plans set for this April 1.st Abel says he heard that, even after graduating top of his class from Barnyard Fragrance Junior College with a major in Men’s Imported Colognes, he could not get a job at any perfume store or manufacturer in the State at all, and had to accept employment as an Assistant Septic Tank Inspector- but I hear it pays pretty good money. Binny says that it wasn’t Byron’s job that was the reason she broke the engagement, it was that Byron seemed to take a fancy to Loretta Lovelust’s skinny, flirtatious daughter, Mitzie. From the what-all I hear at Sunday Church, Binny really should feel blessed to be rid of that trouble.
Speaking of Church, old Reverend Snarl’s hemorrhoids got so awful bad he was obliged to step aside, the new Preacher, Rev. Abendigo Chuzzlewit, is nice enough, except for his always hiccupping a lot and his bad lisp which take away from the down-home sacred sound of his Sunday Sermons. His wife, Prunella-Jo Treakle, is a little, Lord forgive me, on the heavy side, but I understand that she won some blue ribbons for her famous gooseberry preserve biscuits. The new Reverend is in favor of wearing masks, not on account of the pandemic, but because he says that people do too much useless talking and that wearing a mask cuts down on sinful gossip and such.
I expect you are taking good care of your new bought chickens, Miss Henrietta and Mr. Purvis—just fooling. Regards to Fred and write back soon.