BACKGROUND: An emergency meeting of the “Solar Guardian Council” (SGC), was convened last week, notably, a full, seven months before its regularly scheduled, (biennial) meeting. The unusual and unprecedented schedule change, was occasioned by certain harsh, unforeseen and unintended, effects of its recent action, to address the persistently, ineffective response by Planet Earth, to the dangers of climate change. These measures, intended as positive, “persuasive measures,” energetically proposed, at the previous meeting, by the Council Member from Uranus; which, after much hotly contested debate, was, (barely) passed, by the Council, and was now, much regretted.
The creation of the Solar Guardian Council was motivated by the tragic occurrence of the final collapse, of the Planet, “Luna,” which had slowly and steadily declined, from a lush, verdant, and successfully inhabited, member of the Solar System, to its present status, as a lifeless, rock, whose sole utility is, its inert propensity to reflect sunlight.
Council membership consists of one to three sentient life forms, each, from one of the Solar System’s eight recognized planets, plus, by resolution, the questionably qualified, “Planet,” Pluto. The venue of each meeting is decided by majority vote, one for each Planet. Pluto, for reasons of distance and its essentially, frozen character, is never a designated meeting location; but, has an equal vote in determinations of venue.
In the interest of the promotion of the context of unity and equality, all members are required to wear wide, green, hooded, tent-like outer garments, to cover its outer skin or shell. The requirement of “width,” is intended to cover, where applicable, the presence of long or nuanced, tentacles, of certain planetary representatives. The Council’s jurisdictional authority is specifically, limited, and relegated, to the care and preservation, of the Planets occupying the Solar System [designated, in the legal language of the relevant Galaxy System Statutes, as the “Orion Arm,” situate, 26, 000 light-years from the center of the Galaxy, identified, by Earthlings, as the “Milky Way”]
-Minutes of Meeting, 4/24/20 Terra Firma (Earth Time)-
The Special Meeting of the Solar System Guardian Council (“SSGC”), was called to Order by the Meeting’s Presiding Officer (“Aqua Vit ”) of the glorious Planet, Neptune, the attendance, was then taken, and a determination made of a legal presence of a quorum.
The Council Secretary, (Eiye Liner), of the beautiful Planet, Venus, read the Official Minutes of the previous meeting; such vocal reading, in accordance with Council procedures, omits all general, and forensic details of the Meeting, and requires only the recorded substance, of any and all completed, as well as outstanding and unfinished, business. The Secretary, solely for the record, refreshed the Council’s recollection to the effect, that there was, but one, highly irregular, but vitally important, item of unfinished, outstanding business, namely, the Council’s previous action, intended to induce the stubborn earthlings, for their own Planet’s safety, (the fundamental charge of the Council) at long last, to accept scientific facts, specifically, concerning climate change.
It should be noted, that the planet, Uranus, has eternally evinced, a consistent antipathy for Planet, Earth, more specifically, for its Earthlings, who, in the articulation of its Planetary name,” Uranus,” willfully and disrespectfully, place the stress on the second, in lieu of the first, syllable; thus resulting in an undesirable, and defamatory noun reference, in certain Earthling languages.
– Minutes Continued-
The Speaker stated that the Council’s earlier action, which had been a well-intentioned, educative inducement, reluctantly passed, by reason of its harsh nature, has resulted in unfavorable and unforeseen outcomes. Reports, of committees, appointed to monitor this unprecedented act, reported (1) that it affected enlightened Earthlings, to the same extent, as its intended targets, viz., the intransigent deniers of the scientific findings of man-made, climate change, a potential threat to the existence of the Planet (its main concern, and reason for existence) and (2) That the data, tactically submitted by Uranus, indicating that the impact of the virus would encourage climate deniers to accept natural data, was false and deceitful and (3) That the information, supplied by the representatives of Uranus, amounted to, personally motivated, anti-Earth propaganda.
The Speaker then accepted an official Motion to withdraw, to the extent possible, the previous sanctions and requested a Galaxy-wide apology, notably, from planet Uranus.
Following the unanimously passed Motion, (inclusive, of the positive vote of the admonished, Uranus), the meeting was adjourned, with a remorseful expression of the Galaxy Council’s hope and sincere expectation, that the virus, will, very soon, be eliminated.