[Historical Provenance]: It was the universally celebrated virtuoso of the originally three-hole noiseflute, Maestro Ignatz Volvarian (1919-1979). The Maestro garnered world acclaim by his superlative, heart-stopping performance of the “Bohemian Rhapsody, on his venerable three-hole noseflute before the assembled German and Russian delegates at the signing of the Treaty of Brest-Litovsk. Since that time, descendants of the musical genius have perpetuated the aesthetic fame of the contextual musical instrument, recently and metaflusively enhanced by the addition of an impactful fourth hole.
The contemporary beneficiary of the contextual musical skill is the grandson of Ignatz Volverian, Igor Ramos Volvarian, whose performances before the myriad of nose flute aficionados, reportedly, have earned him international accolades. It had long been discovered that the contextual nose flute produces tones that are not entirely suitable for recording, despite the progressive and impactful addition of a fourth hole, so that musical aficionados of the instrument found that personal attendance at participating music venues, such as the Met and Carnegie Hall, aesthetically permitted the true potential for the exploitation of the instrument’s potentially profound depth of exhalatory emotional expression.
As an indirect, yet exceedingly profitable consequence of the growing taste for such esoteric music, television sales of specific pharmaceuticals claiming relief from nasal congestion have skyrocketed, and young Igor Ramos Volvarian benefited financially from such grateful and generous companies. With monies earned from his musical performances, and the addition of such gratuities, the young nose-flute empressario, factually assured of financial stability, married the daughter of a prominent couscous manufacturer, and soon after having two children by his bride, Brunhilda, viz., a son. Ignatz, Jr, and a daughter, Ramona-Immaculata, purchased a suburban home in Great Neck, Harbor, New York.
As luck would have it, a post-graduate student at Stony Brook University, engaged in field study on the Long Island Pine Barrens, discovered that her recorded nose-flute music, played during her rest breaks, consistently attracted Hummingbees and huge clouds of Monarch Butterflies. She excitedly photographed the beautiful flying creatures and subsequently included them in a published book, the latter, founded upon her thematically altered doctoral thesis, quickly became a best-seller, based on the exemplary kudos published in Sierra Magazine. Sales of the book, as well as newly engineered and acoustically improved recordings of Igor Ramos’s nose flute offerings, now hit their zenith; the young Valvarian family had suddenly and fortuitously become rich and famous.
We are led to empirically conclude that in our free and enterprising Democratic Republic, the attainment of great financial success is eternally possible and, inarguably, nothing to sneeze at.
=p.
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