We would like to be allowed a brief, but emotionally needed “time out” from the angst-ridden scenerio portraying the political and social events of the day. We would o relate a (fictional) dream experience following the televised broadcast of any Trump proclaimation or perhaps, a media report on the masked, Gestapo-style round-up of innocent Hispanic Americans. Some say that weird nightmares can result from the ingestion of incompatible and exotic foods; however, we stand firm on our theory that bizarre R.E.M. experiences are notzably caused by outrage, or just plain disgust, engendered by the visceral pain initiated by the words of a MAGA speaker or alternatively, a traumatic experience watching Fox News.
In our technicolor nightmare, we are presented with a huge MAGA Labor Day gala, hosted by the President and his mannequin-like First Lady in the new, glitzy gold ballroom, installed at great expense at the hubristic Chief Executive’s behest.
It is essential to the appropriate rendition of the dignified grandeur of this event to take note of the exalted nature of the invitees, whose celebrity, sufficiently and accurately depicted, serves to affirm the greatness and celebrity of its Presidential host. An illustrative, albeit partial list of such dignitaries, seriatim, is as follows:
Dr. Percival P. Pookh, the first research scientist to innovativedly put cotton in aspirin bottles; Stanislaus Casaba, the celebrated author of the best selling, “Growing Earwax, for Fun and Profit;” Armond G. Volvarian, the great-grandson of Ignatz Volvarian, the celebrated aficionado and composer of classical music for the nose flute; Dr. Swanson Perdue, the agrarian biologist whose creative researches and work in the area of avian genes led to the significant advent of boneless chicken wings; Steve Gridiron, the first coach to innovatively employ two footballs simultaneously in each game; Wilma Wirebrush, Nurse Practitioner, famous for her cosmetic repair of Japan’s celebrated, movie star, “Godzilla;” Professor I.P. Daily, esteemed author of “Yellow River; Robert Kennedy Jr. the discoverer of the secret government microscopic tracking devices in government-sponsored programs of vaccination, and Jonathan Z. Smoot, the valorious lifeguard eternally on duty at the Trump White House Car Pool.
As security Cabinet Member Kristi Noem stationed at a strategic location, vigilantly sat with loaded revolvers to deter any pet dog terrorists from infiltrating the event and Pete Hedgseth, dressed only in a scant bathing suit, thus proudly revealing his body tattoos supporting the White Christian Militia movement, as he entertained the crowd strumming a ukelele and singing bawdy drinking songs.
In a humongous display on the right side of the Golden Ballroom was a food counter containing 6,000 McDonald’s Hamburgers and French Fries, manned by a legion of “burger flippers” with canisters of Heinz Tomato Ketchup at the ready, and 400 boxes of paper napkins. However, amid such largesse, the invitees, especially the members of the Presidential Cabinet, were gravely disappointed to learn that the large oil tanker, tasked to deliver the liquor, never arrived, having unfortunately been involved in a fiery accident with a van carrying illegal mariachi players.
As “luck would have it, less than 20 minutes after the inspirational invocation delivered by the Right Reverend, Dr. Dexter Houdini, and, as the hungry assembled were stampeding to the food station, a crack developed in the, newly plastered, decorative ceiling and 47 boxes containing Officioal CIA files tumbled to the Ballroom Floor necessitating a total evacuation, for security purposes, and the egigent termination of the program.
That was “Great!” exclaimed the witless, albeit hungry, Donald Trump, as he generously dumped a blob of ketchup on a greasy hamburger.
-p.
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