As reported in “Smithsonian,” two graduate students in Medieval History, at Columbia University, on vacation in Prague, have reported the valuable find of a parchment, dating back to the medieval reign of King Donald Hegseth of Bohemia, known to scholars of the period as the “Orange Monarch,” The priceless document of great didactic interest to scholars of medieval Czechoslavia, was fortuitously discovered during a routine visit to the, still standing, golden privy house of the illustrious Monarch.
The enlightening content, transcribed by the ancient European historian, Plinius the Younger, and translated by the celebrated Moldovan scholar Igor Epicac, is an eye-opening,, arcane account of a political scandal in which the Orange-haired King Donald of Hegseth the First, was officially brought before the Bohemian Senate, charged with unbecoming, lewd, and lascivious conduct. The scandalous behavior, as charged, consisted of the reputed conduct of brisk commerce with the local pleasure house, of which the manager Salvatore (“Sal”) Hepatica was the King’s close friend. and confidant.
As specifically related in the arcane historic document, the ardent supporters of King Donald of Hegseth were initially dubious, but thereafter, by virtue of their systemic inclination to conspiratorial ideation, soon demanded a full inquisition on the alleged scandal.
The managing director of the scandalous enterprise, Mme. Tondelaya Ipecac, then serving time in the Bohemian lock-up for first-degree pornographic solicitation, was called upon at the trial (which took place at the Mozart Opera House, the Courroom being too small to accommodate the great number of attendees) to testify as to the operations of the targetted enterprise; whose testimony was vital in the determination of guilt or innocence of the smirking, confident Orange Monarch.
The crucial witness, with a subterranean wink at the Monarch, standing in the dock, testified to the following facts. The numerous visits to the business enterprise were in the context of the King’s charitable instincts and eleemosynary nature. The kind king, she related, emphatically mindful of the poor and hungry state of the citizens, of the nation, was engaged in the practice of his systemic empathic and charitable instincts by regularly delivering free McDonald’s hamburgers and golden fries to the needy employees of her establishment. She quickly and emphatically added, “Also sodas and French fries.”The panel of eminent Justices then retired to consider their decision.
After seven hours of heated, contentious debate, the Justices returned to the (Opera House) Courtroom, gavelled the tribunal to order and officially proclaimed the verdict of “Guilty!”
The Chief Justice. Hon. Jono Say explained the ultimate reasoning of the unanimous judicial panel consisting of the determination of guilt of the Orange Monarch, on the empirical grounds that McDonald’s Hamburgers would not be invented until a full three centuries in the future.
-p.
- Title borrowed from Arthur Conan Doyle
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