The unanimous vote of the Board of Directors, Officers, and the entire Staff of Plinyblog have unanimously decided to appropriately inform our much-deserving readers with a copy of the “Beelzebub Awards,” (formerly known as the “Mephistopheles List”), in advance of the coming inauguration as an appreciative gift. The plentiful roster of deserving candidates is too numerous to publish, accordingly, we have pragmatically enunciated a limited list. Readers, however, are invited to freely add other elective celebrities as desired.
[ Dramatic trumpet fanfare and roll of the drums}
DONALD J. TRUMP: For his valuable support of Democracy, in recognition of his empirical demonstration that even a neurotic-narcissistic-authoritarian criminal can be successful in the American Presidential election process.
J.D, VANCE: For his public demonstration of Homo Sapiens’ evolutionary ability to metamorphose from his public declarations that Donald Trump is “another Hitler,” to Trump’s candidate for Vice-President. Additional Kudos are due to J, D, for his revelation that legal Haitian Immigrants, living in Springfield Ohio, are hungrily eating the neighborhood children’s “pet cats and dogs.” We are sure that the members of ASPCA are appropriately grateful.
STEPHEN MILLER: For his personal demonstration, that America is opportunistic and enterprising enough to give birth to a modern replication of the 19th Century’s pathological Adolph Eichmann, with the added spicy relish of being Jewish.
STEVEN BANNON: For his enlightening lesson that a craven politician can be successful in the practice of the dark arts of tactical destruction of the Nation’s traditional liberty and democracy, despite an unkempt, homeless-looking appearance and wildly unkempt hairstyle.
ELON MUSK: For the empirical demonstration that a perverted clown can be a billionaire puppet with maneuverable strings attached to an orange-haired evil puppeteer.
SARA HUCKABEE: For advancing anthropological science through her empirical demonstration, that systemic evangelical prejudice and atavistic bigotry are biologically inheritable; at least in the paternal-male chromosome.
LINDSEY GRAHAM: For his ultimate talent in tactically and unashamedly changing colors at a speed exceeding that of a jungle-threatened chameleon,
MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE: For her loud, raucous, waterfront style, toughness, and public demonstration that (excessive) male testosterone is not existentially required to be an ignorant and boisterous bigot.
CHRISTY NOEM”: For her brave repudiation of the evangelical message of the ASPA by her impatient shooting and killing of her pet dog in a ditch, as punishment for being a slow learner.
MIKE JORDAN: For his aggressive and bellicose defense of the MAGA line, a former wrestling coach with an immediate readiness to fight, as aggressively challenged by his jacketless, shirt-wearing invitation to rumble.
MIKE JOHNSON; For his nerdy, “what me worry?” persona and colossally deranged and atavistic declaration, “All answers are in the Bible.”
All winners will be gratefully awarded the traditional Beelzebub award, viz., a sculpture in Fool’s Gold, depicting a certain four Justices of the U,S, Supreme Court, and Donald Trump having a beer in a public dumpster marked with an orange “MAGA.”
\-p.
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