We travel to the tiny town of Wistful Vista, situated in the northeast corner of the State of Pennsyltucky, to provide the sophisticated reader with a representative sample of the ubiquitous significance of political polling, notably, one assessing the temporal standing of Presidential candidates at various stages of their campaign,
The sleepy crabgrass and lichen-covered township in question has been determined by several sage economic specialists and cultural anthropologists to eternally suffer economic vicissitude, based upon its adamant refusal to evolve from its historical role as the foremost producer of white wig powder in 17th Century colonial America to a more current and less anachronistic enterprise. The unique skills implicit in the fabrication of the subject colonially merchandisable product has by tradition been passed down from father to son; the township’s female population analogously, bequeathing their prowess at the spinning wheel, down through the ages, mother to daughter.
The meager and tenuous financial subsistence of the town is meagerly furnished by modest, tourist income derived from sporadic visits by didactic dental researchers and, occasional anthropologists from National Geographic Magazine, investigating the etiology of the uniquely notable phenomenon, that all residents of the township, (eerily, inclusive of their pets, viz., cats and dogs), demonstrate uniformly large gaps in their two front sets of teeth. At first, it was surmised that the cosmetic condition had its etiology in the singularly bizarre trigonometric fashion in which food was masticated by the villagers, later. instead, attributed to acidic chemicals in the water, and ultimately, from, the nuanced, chemical content of the ambient soil.
The gap-toothed citizens, to their ardent democratic credit, faithfully conduct weekly town meetings on town matters as well as its governance, and are seen to be especially enthusiastic and vocal about village-oriented political and social matters. Recent hotly contested debates have addressed diverse opinions on matters of localized existential concern such as premature seasonal fly fishing, the worrisome decline in the officially audited tadpole population, as well as the eternal difficulties involved in morning dental flossing. As to the latter, the Official Town Board of Supervisors has pragmatically recommended the use of nylon shoelaces, for the front teeth.
Responsible political pollsters have consistently chosen to consult the political leanings of the inhabitants of the subject township as being sociologically representative of the “populist” political sentiment of our diverse nation, and have incorporated their erudite findings in official media reports. Bizarrely, the political leanings have been consistently substantive, since the advent of the township’s polling sixteen years ago. The results, while somewhat varied, invariably depended, in this historic heartland of aesthetic, white colonial wig powder producers, upon the questioned villager’s aesthetic approval of the publicized hairstyles of the respective candidates.
In last week’s professionally conducted poll, as reported in the village’s leading” newspaper, “The Wistful Times,” all of the questioned townspeople, except three villagers, (articulated as best as dentally possible, considering their nuanced dentures) that they decisively choose Vice-President, Kamala Harris over Donald Trump. When questioned as to their personal choice, each responder indicated, gushingly, that he favored Harris because she had slightly, but, noticeably, more hair than Donald Trump; and secondarily. but significantly, Trump’s hair was dyed orange, the color of prison uniforms.
The three absent responders had previously asked to be excused from the Official Survey on the grounds of their intensely busy scheduled activity, parceling out and bagging the village’s latest inventory of recently crafted white wig powder.
-p.
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