The foregoing, are the transcribed, Official Minutes of the Annual Summer Meeting of the Board of Managers of the Hamlet of “Wistful Vista,” for the year, 2023. [The record will indicate that the annual summer meeting, albeit, mandated by its Charter, suffered an unfortunate, four-year, hiatus, due to the tragic exigencies of the Covid pandemic, and the destruction of the village donut shop (including inventory), from an explosion caused by a frayed, electrical connection in its downstairs basement toilet.
The Meeting started 45 minutes later than officially, scheduled, since Thelma Epicac, the Recording Secretary (and Village Librarian) was obliged to bring her pet goat, Melvin, to the vet, regarding certain emergency dental issues.
The well-attended meeting, amounting to thirty-seven members, was, called to order, by the Chairperson, Dr. Sal Hipatica, following the singing of the National Anthem, led by Ms. Flora Prune, the daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Pitt Prune. Ms. Prune is presently, engaged to be married, October 3, 2023, to her high school sweetheart, Mr. Albert Snarl, son of Mia and Hugh Snarl, of the neighboring Village of Mattress Springs, New Hampshire. Congratulations are also due to Hugh, who was promoted to the titles of Chief Official Exterminator and Supervisory, Cesspool Inspector, for the twin Hamlets of Mattress Springs and Wistful Vista; the latter, due to the recent, unfortunate, passing of Mortimer Snerde, the former Officeholder of the dual departments and, sadly, as well, the area’s celebrity banjo player.
Mrs. Elvira Swine, Acting, Executive Vice-President and CFO, of the Wistful Vista Church’s Geranium Committee, after, initially, securing formal permission to address the assembled, membership, walked, shakily, to the raised podium, breathing heavily, with excitement, while carrying a rubber-banded batch of hand-written notes in one hand, and firmly, gripping a dog-eared, worn copy of the New Testament in the other. Elvira had just returned home, after a three-week visit with her brother, Dinty Moore and her sister-in-law, Carmen. It may be remembered that Dinty was one of the chief spokesmen for the organization, “Ban the Smut,” a community interest group, whose public mantra was, “Sanitary Thoughts Only,” and was ardently, dedicated to the eradication from books, (and movies) of “smut,” “sex,” gender references,” and the teaching of non-abridged history. Three weeks of Carmen’s excellent sausage and cheese lasagna and Dinty’s unrelenting cant, warning of “the danger of subtle propaganda in books and other publicly, available sources,” had convinced the naïve, gullible and, innately, evangelistic Elvira, that civil society is regularly and existentially, under the dire threat of dark, sub- Rosa and perverse influences. It was with such mindset that she shakily, but, dutifully, mounted the three steps of the podium.
Elvira’s sincere, naïve, and emotion-filled, presentation, regarding the postulated, existential threat, posed by the potential for subtle, sinister, and malignant, thoughts, encouraged in books and the arts, and the existential importance of their moral regulation resulted in a hushed audience, followed by a number of puzzling questions from those in attendance, such as the practical selection of targeted books and the attainment of a mutual agreement as to “malignant influences,” the questionable mode of enforcement and the basic issue of the right of free speech.
However, the undaunted and recently, propagandized, Elvira insisted that it was the “moral duty” of responsible society to cleanse itself from evil influences” (Dinty’s personal, screed) and that the community might, appropriately, begin with the library collections of all encyclopedia. The defining nature of the encyclopedia, she continued, is such that virtually, every subject is included, whether societally, wholesome or not; containing malignant, subjects such as race, race relations slavery, gender, cisgender and gender confused, sex and, homosexuality, unabridged history and the like. Many of the general subjects would, of necessity, fall under the repugnant categories, included within the responsible and appropriate criteria of moral censorship, and therefore, render such entire compilations of information and accumulated, knowledge, morally, unacceptable and appropriate for being morally, purged from the local library.
The assembled delegates then looked for Ms. Thelma Epicac, the Hamlet’s (part-time) librarian, to inquire as to her views on the purging of the local library of its sets of encyclopedia, and, finally, found her out back, feeding her happily, drooling, Melvin a jelly donut. When questioned, as to her view on the Official censorship of all sets of the Library’s collection of Encyclopedia, and while she was inserting a large piece of the donut into Melvin’s bearded mouth, she amicably, responded, “But we never had any sets of encyclopedia in our library.”
The meeting was concluded approximately, ten minutes later. Many members took especial notice that, as she was leaving, Elvira evinced a big smile of satisfaction.
-p.
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