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The iconic expression, “You only live once” has been deservedly relegated to the status of “cliché” by reason of its very popular use; nevertheless, it is a most significant exhortation. That “once” references one’s sole opportunity to attain a satisfying and fruitful life experience or, alternatively, to squander it. The admonition of “only going around once” also should not be ignored or disrespected.

In Blog # 9, we proposed that one’s feelings of success, self-worth, peace and satisfaction are solely internal conclusions; that an individual’s external successes in the accumulation of assets and the achieved adulation of the crowd, are of an ephemeral nature and soon morph into passing irrelevancy in the search for the attainment of long-term feelings of self- worth and ultimate satisfaction.(Blog# 36). In fact, it may be said that the man’s search for the specific impediments to his self-realization may be more challenging than the Victorian period’s notable search by Mr. Livingston for Mr. Stanley in the “dark continent.”

We would submit that happiness and satisfaction in life are exemplified by one’s sense of inner peace and general feelings of satisfaction, his sense of capability and recollection of past accomplishments, and his recognition of attained self-enhancement and prospects for even further growth.

If the impediment to such happiness is specific and identifiable, it may for such reasons, be somewhat tolerable, albeit difficult to ameliorate; examples are the death of a loved person, failure in business or the fact of an unhappy marriage; all of a troubling but of a rationally digestible nature.

Where the source of unhappiness is not attributable to an identified cause, the challenge is more profound and more difficult for the individual to tolerate and certainly to ameliorate. Augmenting the problem is the fact that one’s own inquiry into the source is limited by his personal subjectivity and traditional defenses, including the fear of change. A husband who always complains in public about his wife’s terrible cooking may be, in fact, motivated by his unhappiness in marriage, the solution to which would necessarily entail pain and feared change. However, discovery and recognition of the actual source of unhappiness is an essential revelation in any realistic attempt to attain happiness and satisfaction with life.

In this writing, we specifically exclude the entire subject of medical causes of unhappiness such as clinical depression and similar illnesses, usually addressed by medicine and talk therapy by professionals.

A memorable and illustrative example of the subject occurred during a walk with a female friend of long standing acquaintance, some years ago. This old friend of the family, an educated and sophisticated person, spoke, consistent with previous conversations, of her enduring unhappiness with her life. I asked her, after some time,” If we had a pad and pencil, could you list the things that you feel  are wrong or what it would take to make you happy, even if the items on the list were not unattainable?” After some thought, her answer was, a reluctant “No.”

The foregoing is a real-life example of existing, persistent unhappiness caused by an undiscernible source. It should be said that we emphatically do not accept the oft- heard facile proposition that some people do not possess the potential capacity or “talent” for happiness. Such assertion is probably made by folks who have become fatigued with the many numerous attestations of unhappiness by the individual. The challenge, in the individual case may be daunting, but not impossible of accomplishment.

Constant brooding and repetitive rumination never prove to be successful in this endeavor; the only known, really successful rumination on this planet, is that performed by cows who, happy with their lot in life, repeatedly chew the same cud.

As we have maintained in earlier writings, the unconscious mind, or psyche, is not man’s devoted friend. Its transmission of atavistic and alarming warnings  of danger may be understandable during the birth process, as the baby passes from the safety of the womb to an unprotected and uncertain environment; unfortunately, for us all, the persistent continuance of such alarms  seem to provide useless  and irrational  warnings and is significantly responsible for  limitations in the mature individual’s fullest  potential for growth and  development.

The purported assertion that all mentally and physically healthy people possess such self-detachment and objective insight as to enable them to find “Stanley in their personal “dark continent” may be unduly and misleadingly optimistic. At times, some direction and objectivity by a skilled and experienced counselor may be relevant.

In the long and meandering road trip of life, one should not be too shy to ask advice as to directions, as necessary.

-p.

 

 

 

 

In the prevalent industrial setting, a question may well be posed as to the proper status of “leisure time” or “time off” in the accepted hierarchy of societal values. With the goal of more efficient and ever-increasing production of profitable goods and services as our “work ethic,” some may well, to this day, anachronistically view leisure time as a useless interruption of mandatory activity and progress.

History has demonstrated that sole dedication and obeisance to the god of profit has always led to the diminution in worth of individual human life; the latter is then demoted to the status of a mere pawn on the chess board of profitable and efficient manufacture. Such impetus led to the rise of urban centers as venues for large manufacturing activity and to the consequent destination for people seeking needed employment.

The advent of the “Industrial Revolution” in 19^th Century England evidenced a remorseless decline in the worth of the individual and his shameful reduction to the role of a natural resource, to be mercilessly exploited in the sweatshop or factory. Such degradation and heartless cruelty is well illustrated in the brilliant and socially critical novels of Charles Dickens.

In Victorian days debtors and failures in business were sentenced to the dreaded workhouse, often along with their family {See “Little Dorrit” by Charles Dickens). Modern day people who currently use a treadmill for exercise should know that a sentence of a pauper in the 18^th Century to the dreaded “treadmill” meant his certain death from unending and merciless torture making power for industry.

Commencing in  the 20^th Century, especially during  the presidency of Franklin D. Roosevelt, a more humane era evolved (and is still evolving) with respect to the compassionate recognition of the laborer as an individual citizen by  limiting the work week and work day and also providing  other socially responsible programs of assistance to him and his family.

A salutary result was the creation of leisure time, permitting the laborer to engage in beneficial family time and affording him the opportunity for self-realization .The great philosopher Socrates stated that leisure time was necessary for man to get to know himself and to think. Leisure time is, In addition to being humane from the perspective of meaningful existence, arguably a human right. One does wonder, by the way, how many folks, other than Mr. Socrates, had the benefit of leisure time in his day.

Healthy perspective tells us that work is the means to an acceptable life, not an end in itself.  Individuals possessing sufficient inner resources can use such free time to seek enlightenment, personal growth and an enhanced life. Those not so disposed may see free time as “goofing off” and, sadly, miss the opportunity for the happy achievement of self- realization and personal fulfillment.

In the big picture, man’s self- awareness and potential for significant growth and enhanced understanding, to this writer, is no less than an evolutionary extension of our developed innate capabilities. This needs to be the guiding criteria in our choices in the judicious use of leisure time. Both child and adult need to have sufficient meaningful interaction; the healthy sharing of thoughts and experiences are moments offering untold benefit. So much more than “goofing off” and thereby missing life’s potential for enjoyment and growth.

There is infinite and unlimited room in our lives for self- enhancement and personal growth. Leisure time, affording each person the elective opportunity to be himself at his happiest best, if wisely and judiciously employed, has the potential for profound, rewarding experiences; let’s construe a “leisure ethic” and resolutely and gratefully adhere to it.

 

-p.

The salutary effects of my regular exercise program are only matched in value by my subsequent attendance at the regular locker room colloquium, participated in (I am told) by mature, educated adults. Yet, after many years of being trapped within earshot of these exchanges, occurring in the 7A.M. locker room, in the interest of aesthetic and intellectual accuracy, I am obliged to file these erudite dialogues under the category, “stool culture”. One is fully confident that if so informed, these educated know- nothings would solemnly accept the fact that the Emperor of The Holy Roman Empire, next succeeding Constantine, was Gluteus Maximus.

Consistent with such experience, a conversation was overheard which proceeded in this fashion, question, “How was Prague?” Answer: Aw, it was a bore, nothing to do.”  Vraiment! Really! Prague! Nothing to do? Astounding, especially since it was Prague.

In Prague’s Old City alone, there is the medieval astrological clock, several striking Gothic and Medieval Churches and Castles, the sculpture- adorned bridge over the historically important Charles River, the oldest Synagogue in Europe, architecture of every style, Gothic, Rococo, Baroque, New Renaissance, Neo-Gothic, Cubist, Neo-Classical and even, Ultra- Modern.

Prague was a strategic site during the Thirty Year’s War featuring successive defenestration’s, is famous for its classical music history,  has underground restaurants and cafes, concert halls, so very much to intrigue the tourist. We were especially entertained at the anachronistic sight of modern, well dressed Europeans going to work in buildings of ancient vintage.

One is confidently assured that our disappointed tourist did take notice at least, that Prague is the venue of some of the world’s best beer.

But, to the point, our subject is not Prague, as such; yet the quoted comment relating to that destination was not only astounding, but also most illustrative of the point we wish to make.

When one arrives at the airport and then boards his plane, he is entering into a “twilight zone” of sorts, leaving behind all that is familiar, his three cats and a great many assumptions and folkways. The destination seems exotic at first, which perception is somewhat mitigated following the completion of unpacking in the designated hotel room. The important benefit of the excursion is now up to the tourist. At least some rudimentary knowledge of the place visited, its history, geography, culture, is a vital requirement to the achievement of a successful and satisfying tour. If the destination, for example, were Prague, is the intended tourist aware of the division of Czechoslovakia into two independent countries, The Czech Republic and Slovenia, of the term “Velvet Revolution,” with the name. Vaclav Havel?

In an earlier blog we have observed that a collateral benefit can be derived from travel. It is the discernment of practiced folkways and cultural behaviors of our own, as well as, as expected, the cultures visited. Observing folks eating exclusively with chop sticks may cause us to take particular notice of the fact that we ourselves dine with knife and fork. The slight bow of the Japanese citizen at a first introduction followed by deeper bows at subsequent meetings or on significant occasions is analogous to our introductory handshake and thereafter our subsequent employment of hearty vocabulary. The Hispanic omission to pronounce the “h” in Hola can be contrasted with the resounding pronunciation of the letter “h” in Hello. We might take note of the fact that the French have not yet invented the letter H.

Of especial importance is the experiencing of other points of view and differing belief systems. This serves to enhance our objectivity and Insight and sometimes tests our assumptions.

One needs some background information to derive meaningful benefit from the travel experience. What would have been our judgment of an oil painting in which sunflowers alone fill the entire canvas, if we did not previously know it was painted by Vincent Van Gogh?

The Eleventh Commandment directs the tourist to be sure to pack some knowledge in his suitcase, in addition to the socks and toothbrush.

-p.

 

– THE BUD OPENS-

Upon a silent cue from Nature,
The green bud holders relent and
Out ‘scapes a magical bloom-
Not roseate or petal shaped, but with
Golden– red, gossamer curls, all
In orbit about an ever-sparkling base.
Stem and bloom now nodding
In the warm, gentle breeze-
Like a free-floating downy feather.

In the floral fragrance, flutters,
Our old friend, the pretty butterfly-
Calling down, between flickering antennae
To the ascending lady bug,
(Both by now senior citizens)
“Why do you tarry?” “Why so slow?”
To which the breathless bug replied,
It’s harder this time, there’s a new shoot.

-p.

 

The only predictably accurate estimate of the future state of the Middle East would entail the shameful continuance of war and horrific bloodshed. Religious zealots, who seem to sprout up, like harmful weeds in the garden, foment and act as catalytic agents for holy war have, for many centuries, fanned the flames of hatred for apparently receptive audiences.

Recently, even those American citizens, usually given to non-enlightened, reductive solutions, have eschewed their usual military stance (“boots on the ground”) for the universally apparent reason that the only predictable outcome thereof would be the tragic loss of life and waste of treasury.

The totalitarian intolerance of alternate belief, propagated by such religious zealots, has become a seemingly permanent blemish on man’s historical record. It would virtually take a firm of efficient accountants to tally up the shameful number of contemporary lethal conflicts caused by religious intolerance, from Europe to Africa, Middle East to Asia, as well as elsewhere throughout the world.

It has become fashionable for right-thinking members of society to espouse the strategy of fighting evil ideology with the offer of better ideas; a commendable strategy respecting which no one has to date suggested any proposed ideas nor the logistics of their delivery.

One suggestion, contained in one of our earlier blogs, is to widely and effectively disseminate the apparent fact that the enormous number of refugees, desperately fleeing for their lives, from Syria and Iraq gives the lie to the propaganda of ISIS that it is building a Muslim paradise on Earth.

Recently in a T.V. interview by Charlie Rose, Tom Friedman, arguably the most brilliant, incisive and knowledgeable commentator on the subject of Political Science and world affairs, appeared to express significant frustration with the known fact that the 7^th Century dispute as to whether the successor to the Prophet Mohammad is to be selected by vote or familial succession, is the underlying basis of the multi-centuries hatred and bloody war between the Shia and the Sunni Moslem people.

Yet the simple and too deadly cause is not (with profuse apologies to Tom Friedman) such things as the referenced debate. (See Blog #3)

As recounted in Blog#3, each individual acquires his culture and belief system by the mere accident of birth (as opposed to some expressed prenatal philosophical preference). The seeds for all religious and other conflicts are sown by the well-meaning parent with those traditional lessons on “we” and “they.” Once that destructive seed has germinated in the fertile soil of the child the stage is then effectively set for a bitter harvest of myth-making, evangelism and, ultimately, lethal conflict.

Ethnic and cultural differences ought to be intelligently and sensitively revealed in a worldly diverse context of “us” (mankind). The alternative future has been, sadly and consistently demonstrated by the hateful Shia-Sunni tragedy (which is not systemically founded on the specific dispute cited).      -p.

Man’s innate propensity for novel and creative thought has proven essential to his survival and his enhanced development. It is interesting to note that the ancient etymological root of the word “idea” is the word, “idein” meaning “to see.” It is, in fact, ideas that have enabled man to perceive and formulate solutions to presenting problems, and that furnish the raw material for the advancement of his understanding of himself, his environment and the continuing improvement of modern society.

A simple definition of the word, “ideation,” is the process of creating ideas. It is generally known that all sentient inhabitants of planet Earth have capabilities of innovative and insightful thinking, in degree, of course, depending upon the individual creature’s particular parameters of reason. We have all seen depictions of apes, deftly inserting twigs into such things as hollow tree trunks, to access a sumptuous lunch of protein- rich termites. What better, or more illustrative example can be furnished of the useful application of clever ideas to the solution of presenting problems.

To be clear, we are concerned in this note, only with ideation which is useful and demonstrably constructive in the continuing rational and empirical progress of man. We emphatically and categorically exclude such purported phenomena as, “religious inspiration” as well as the categories of” paranoid ideation,” “anthropomorphic ideation”, superstitious thought of every kind,  and each and every one of the stale and useless aphoristic roadblocks to reason (see blog # 11).

Additionally, we do not intend, nor is there, any possible or rational metaphor to be drawn between the parturition of good or objectionable thought, with the legally recognized right of women to make reasonable choices regarding their respective pregnancies. (See blog # 52).

We note the expression, “pregnant with thought” but would stress the many significant and notable distinctions between the parturition of ideas and the metaphoric phrase. To cite a few, there is no predictable period of gestation or incubation. Further, the issue may be the product of several “surrogates” or of  consecutive progenitors, possibly spanning centuries during which the inspired creators proceed to the final desired realization; each contributor standing upon the shoulders of his predecessors, in a virtual “ ladder’ of enlightenment, until the “eureka” moment.

It is not uncommon for the product of creative and original thought to be ultimately rejected, but only because it subsequently proved to be useless or erroneous in light of subsequent advancements in understanding and knowledge.  The  Lamarckian theory, “Use and Disuse, “ to the effect that animals develop physical features which are necessary for survival , for example ,the long neck of a giraffe which enables access to tree leaf nourishment. Charles Darwin and others relegated said theory to the scientific dustbin with the better theory, “Survival of the Fittest.” It is interesting to note that the Lamarckian theory of the inheritance of acquired characteristics, continued to be favored by certain totalitarian regimes, since it was consistent with their nefarious dogma.

The universe of inspired thought has, however, always had its detractors and enemies. It was Galileo, himself, who was given a life sentence for committing criminal heresy by ratifying the heliocentric theory of Nicholas Copernicus, to the effect that the Earth orbited the Sun, and not the other way around ( as had been proclaimed in the holy bible and other religious tractates).

As History has consistently shown, religious authorities and conceptions should be morally and completely restrained from enjoying any influence or recognition, whatsoever, regarding the operation and progress of empirical science, lest we re-visit the Dark Ages.

Positive experience has demonstrated, definitively and resoundingly, that the many expectant progenitors, either working simultaneously or over time, deserve to be sufficiently respected, encouraged and adequately funded. While some initial forays often seem obtuse or widely exotic, many in fact, are embryonic stages of a future breakthrough and an advance in man’s understanding and enhancement.

The parturition of ideas, especially in their embryonic or neonatal stage must be supported, encouraged and insulated from the destructive influence of non-rational belief, if we are to successfully survive and prosper.

-p

A confident and consistent self-image is the bedrock reference point for one’s belief system, decision making and overt action. As the swift current of life inevitably courses on, we need to recognize our own participation in it, as responsibly aware and credibly distinct personalities.

Others get to know us and take our meaning and intention from their observation of our action and their awareness of our avowed points of view. Even more critical is our own individual knowledge and awareness of our personal, private identity known as our “self.” This is our essential compass which directs and orchestrates our understanding of rectitude and moral choices. Those who lack a confident, consistent “self” usually are destined to lead a rudderless, confusing and meaningless existence during their stay on the planet.

To be sure, one is always capable, by dint of newly attained enlightenment and sufficient contemplation, to alter his internal self- portrait, but even such a change must embark from a designated starting point and proceed to the newly established one, hopefully, by a rationally guided compass.

In one of the classic cartoon strips, “Pogo” the sage cartoonist, Walt Kelly, depicts his ever-present hero. “Pogo the Opossum” portrayed in Napoleonic battle dress, in front of a still- smoking cannon, proudly brandishing his saber and stating: “We have met the enemy and he is us!”

The opinions and judgments of individuals, who are seen as possessed of healthy and a well -adjusted persona, are, for such reason, worthy of consideration since the same are presumed to have been made thoughtfully and free from outside influence.

In the preceding blog, we urged the need to maintain a secure self-image to serve as an inner-directed guide in making moral choices, and the futility of the reductive rewards- punishment regime (Blog#72).

It has been said somewhere, “A Man’s Home Is His Castle.” This may have some cognizable value as to the rights of ownership and privacy; but a home and castle are only real estate. The essential habitation of man is found in his mature understanding of his personal identity, his “self.”

-p.

History consistently teaches that the most precious and valuable resource of a nation is its people. One illustrative example is Germany in the 1930’s and 40’s.That modest size country came close to conquering the entire world. This capability was the result of an effective social organization making possible the mobilization of a highly productive population. Under the leadership of the United States, the Allies were ultimately victorious, in large part, due to that ability to mobilize capable citizenry. The history of the Second World War is an instructive, albeit depressing, example of the continuing need for a productive society which is capable of being summoned in times of trouble.

Apart from such need for the purposes of defense and in times of catastrophe, the attainment of a nation’s potential is manifested in the quality of its intelligence and creativity; the same being in no small way, the end product of an appropriate emphasis on the teaching and study of the arts and sciences, an essential ingredient in the maintenance of a nation’s soul. Of all the useless, ignorant and shameful aphorisms, (see blog#11) two stand out as especially harmful:

1. Spare the rod and spoil the child and

2. Children should be seen and not heard.

Such traditional   claptrap must be the inspired result of some early American “Dark Ages” featuring a profound institutional ignorance and is predictive of neurotic and repressed offspring.

Mercifully, travesty number “1” is proscribed by most contemporary statutes regarding child abuse which laws usually carry criminal sanctions for their disobedience. A tip of the hat to Charles Dickens!

During brunch at a nearby Connecticut diner, I heard a father state to his young sons, as the family was preparing to leave, “Your behavior was very good, this time.” Having sat at an adjoining table, I was led to assume that the parent intended his statement to be a compliment to the children; as observed the two young boys were completely silent during their family’s meal. I dropped my fork in agitated distress, observing with disbelief that the parent’s standard for “good behavior” was no less than catatonia.

The practice of parenting is notably the most skilled of all the professions; the rearing of healthy children in the context of a mutually loving and respectful setting, being the essential goal. The cited example, regrettably, is not exceptional; many people, for various reasons, seem to be more intent on raising potted plants than spontaneous and creative offspring. The predictable outcome of such adherence to aphorism “2,” above, is repressed, neurotic and even rebellious children; worse, the future perpetuation of a style of parenting whose neurotic needs call for silent obedience. Some would even go so far as to call this a species of child abuse.

Children cannot attain their innate potential nor a sense of their worth in such a repressive atmosphere. They simply take on characteristics common incarcerated prisoners, serving an indeterminate sentence of 17 to 21 years under the supervision of a parental warden. People who are secure in their parental role do not aspire to totalitarian obedience as reassurance of their capability. By day to day demeanor they gain the respect and recognition appropriate to their role as parents. Remonstration and discipline on the part of such parents is an occasional and unpleasant necessity, not a duty. The effective parent instructs his children in morality and responsibility by imitative example. Children can thus develop a sense of their own inner-directed right action and personal self- respect; constant external supervision is unnecessary.

The artless parent teaches morality in the same manner as observed international foreign relations; by the employment of the” carrot and the stick.” Good behavior is rewarded with the carrot, bad gets the stick. This foolish, reductive and predictably unsuccessful mode, unfortunately, seems to be all pervasive. The child, if so reared, does not develop his own (internalized) standard of behavior without external prompting; else what is to motivate the child from wrongful acts in the absence of parental scrutiny. Right action should be chosen by the child for the reason that it is consistent with his developed positive self- image; wrongful action would be avoided, not to avoid parental punishment but by reason of the same motivation. This is a self- respect and dignified morality which will endure.

In similar context, and on a related subject, caring and sensitive responses to the inexperienced child’s inevitable foolish questions should be made kindly and with the mature awareness that young children are most impressionable and bruise easily. A sensitive, respectful and loving alternative to pedantic ridicule is a response such as: “OK holds that thought for a moment, what you think about this…” In styling the correction as a question, “what do you think about? …; correcting the child by respectfully asking for his opinion (prior to the proposition of the corrected facts) the grateful child’s ego and self-respect is left intact. Additionally, perhaps, the stated interest in his opinion will encourage thought. The frustrated, pedantic response, as an alternative, only hurts the child who, predictably, will remember only that his parent was angry and thinks little of him.

Children are not vehicles for the derivative achievement of parentally unrealized goals nor are they underlings to satisfy insecure parents’ neurotic need to achieve a feeling of power or significance by demanding their silent, puppet-like and immediate obedience.

Exceptionally sweet, high quality fruit is borne by properly tended trees; useful and desirable citizens are those that have been lovingly and respectfully reared to be spontaneous, creative and self-sufficient.

-p.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On the appointed dates, people of every  description  gleefully step off their respective daily turf, climb up on to the holiday carousel and together enjoy the ride, the carny music and the  lights and  festive colors. These shared occasions and observances have profound benefits which are, in reality, a good deal more significant than the mere cessation of work and the consequent liberty for elective activity.

In these national celebrations, all Americans participate, regardless of divergent ethnos, culture and economic strata, and welcome such addenda to their respective observances and folkways. What make for our country’s unity are social glues of many kinds, among which is our uniform recognition and joint participation in mutually recognized holidays.

There are traditional observances performed in common by our diverse population, including for example, greeting cards, holiday symbols and paraphernalia, traditional greetings, even a shared annoyance regarding holiday traffic; we are festive and annoyed, together. The universal recognition of these special dates is often celebrated at parties and overtly and enthusiastically displayed by banners, costumes, lanterns, trees and ornaments; on Independence Day, we may display red, white and blue decorations

In addition to such salutary and positive display of shared sentiment and solidarity, it might just be possible to suggest a somewhat novel order of observance which would be aimed at increasing one’s own personal perspective, identity and self- knowledge.

Over the course of our individual lives, we experience significant events, which to each of us are particularly memorable, some even perceived as milestones. These might include painful recollection of loss or change of circumstance, as well as events appropriate to joyous celebratory activity.

Thus, while our sharing of public events in common is immensely valuable, the life of the individual has its own nuanced and memorable events which are filed away in the psyche and not publically shared. We all maintain personal libraries of memory which, if consulted, might offer useful perspective, personal understanding and acceptance. The alternative to this sort of constructive introspection may be a life which seems to us to have no separate identity, is amorphous and even, meaningless.

In addition to birthdays, wedding anniversaries, memorial dates and the like (which we do celebrate) we all have perceived milestones, favorable or otherwise, as well as numerous events worthy of note in our own life experience; our first school day, our first real kiss, the first day we drove a car, our first home, our favorite pet, our first publication, our first trip abroad, the first book read, the big fish caught. These, are examples of uniquely memorable experiences, worthy of celebration which offer us a sense of personal identity and of an authentic life lived. We need to ride a personal carousel of recollected salient events.

-p.

There is a fast-growing sentiment in the conscience of our nation, that the criminal sentence of solitary confinement is “torture” and as such, illegal under the U.S.Constitution’s proscription of “cruel and unusual” punishment. The absolute denial of the company of other human beings would seem to be directly contrary to man’s understood innate need for the society of other people.

For the purpose of this writing, and regarding its frequent reference to the noun, “friend(s),” we emphatically exclude that designation as used by the maestros of “face book” which signifies (only) that individuals have mutually consented to send and receive e-mail or text messages .Such misused term and relationships have no similarity, in any way imaginable, to the nature of a selective interface which features visual and audible interaction and the exchange of real words and expressive sentiment.

By stark contrast,  living in” real”  contact with others, personally  exchanging thoughts and opinions, ideas and experiences (good and bad), joint celebration of happy events and the rendition of mutual comfort, when needed, are truly life- enhancing phenomena.

Living near familiar company carries with it a cornucopia of benefits including the opportunity for objectivity, physical and emotional assistance, mutual consultation in the search for solutions to problems, experience with other patterns of behavior and thought and with differences in style of attire, cuisine and a myriad of assorted phenomena.

An isolated life is lonely, insulated, self- conscious and amorphous; there are no comparable instructive or referable models to emulate as useful guides to successful living and problem solving.

Fellowship affords to the individual a recognizably ascribed (or self- determined) identity (see: Blog#47)   and an overall guide to life- style. It also furnishes normative guides for dress, speech and expectations as well as calibrates responses to specific stimuli (Blog # 23).

We are especially understanding and forgiving in our reaction to the errors and weaknesses of our friends; we offer comforting thoughts, perspective and context, suggestions regarding the specific underlying circumstances, as well as the limited significance of the error, and, importantly, remind the friend of the great many past actions which were performed by him successfully. These are valuable services since most of us suffer excessively, often beyond the materiality of the error.

A puzzling and  insightful  question may be posed as to why we do not apply a similar objective analysis to ourselves; when we miscalculate, burn dinner, make a spelling  error, utter a malapropism, forget an  anniversary, drop the football,, even,  select the wrong mate; we do not extend to ourselves any grace, understanding or mitigating analysis.  Instead we, all too often, overreact and begin to reappraise our former understanding of our self-worth.

Is it because we are too personally insecure that we cannot detach ourselves for a moment and seek a modicum of objectivity?  Have we established for ourselves unrealistic standards? Are these the reasons why it seems to take the intercession of a third party friend for consolation and support?

To our main point, we need to be a friend to ourselves in similar manner as we would to someone else, and by being less judgmental of, and more forgiving, to ourselves.

When we make an error or miscalculation, p. would be bold enough to suggest the use of the following queries in aid of the promotion of our respective friendship with ourselves:

(a) What is the actual, realistic extent and impact of the error?

(b) Why define yourself by your mistake; why not by the great many things you have previously done correctly?

(c) Can you reasonably expect yourself to have an aptitude for everything?

Be your own counsellor and friend; you probably deserve it!

-p.