In accordance with the approved iteration of the (updated) “Government Official Calendar,” the Nation’s declared (uniform) date and time, from the Pacific Ocean on its West Coast to the Atlantic Ocean, on its East, and from the lethal land mines, installed, protectively, and strategically, across its National Southern Border with Mexico, to its Northern boundary with Canada, it is now, 2:PM Wednesday, March 27, 2075. It is the spring season, but the sparse amount of observable trees and the meager vegetation, having for decades been parboiled by the unrelenting effect of (the, eternally debated and, purported), “Global Warming,” has rendered, the word, “verdant,” empirically obsolete. This afternoon, there is light rain, and the same, as discerned by the attuned, olfactory receptors, evinces the suggestion of a slight, malodorous, fragrance.
In consideration of the subject’s exponential importance, a brief dissertation would, initially, seem appropriate, concerning the newly, declared and revelatory, MAGA Gospels, referred to, reverentially and compliantly, as “The Gospel, According to Selwin.” The recitation of this newest, tenable, and authoritative, “ Holy Word,” is reliably, credited to an eminent Holy Man, whose identity has, wisely, been withheld from humankind, for various meritorious, reasons, salient among which, is the effective prevention of blasphemy, as previously, rampant, regarding the well-known, name of his consecrated predecessor.
The canonical name, “Selwin,” itself, had been, for some time, the subject of contentious and divisive acrimony with European religious historians, who passionately, maintained, that the proper and acceptable style is “Selwynne.” However, after some years of erudite historical-religious debate, added to the somewhat, persuasive influence of the newly developed, AK -47 introduced into the issue, the dissenters, peaceably withdrew their claim. In honor and memory of this momentous, religious accord, raised, replicated images, of the historic, AK-47, pursuant to religious decree, appears atop the nave of each House of Worship.
In terms of its authenticity and provenance, the (formerly contentious) name of the now, conceded “Good Book’” has the imprimatur of, former U.S. President, Donald Trump, the entirety of America’s White Evangelical Church Laymen and Priests, as well as the vocal support of the Nation’s White Christian Nationalist Militias. Said Holy Book, after so many centuries of discourse and rancorous travail, has, by substantial, interpretive compromise, settled on a unified perception of rectitude in government rule, corresponding and appropriate citizen participation, rights as between citizen and fellow citizen, and government and citizen; as, pragmatically and indisputably, set forth for all to reference and secure appropriate guidance. Among its many societal virtues, it, has, mercifully, put a final end to law Courts, and their associated, disquieting litigation and legal controversy. Philosophically and legally, such improvement, notably, and economically, avoids unnecessary, vexatious contention concerning the authoritative boundaries between Church and State.
Among its salient and ubiquitous, civil virtues, the Holy Gospel of Selwin, legally, defines the official word, “citizen” and clarifies the associated franchise of voting. It clearly provides, that a “citizen,” and, ipso-facto, a “voter,” is a white, Christian, male, or female, born or naturalized in the United States, and over the age of 18; a non-white, Christian, male or female, born or naturalized in the United States, over age 18, employed in commerce, government, or as domestic, with proof of citizenship, a clean criminal record, and, additionally, a non-Christian, born or naturalized in the United States, with a clean criminal record and a certification of loyalty to the United States, attested to, by a certified, Christian citizen. As a general rule, the plurality of legal votes shall determine the winning candidate, except in circumstances, reliably, deemed, by the losing candidate, to be sufficiently, significant as to warrant a valid governmental inquiry.
Since the compliant citizen need hide nothing, all public and private, outdoor and indoor areas shall be subject to permanent camera surveillance.
Immigration into the United States is to be legally, permitted only from the certified industrially, developed Nations, included in the current Congressional list, with exigent exceptions, based upon the officially, certified, employment needs of the Nation.
All citizens, as defined, herein, may own and operate such firearms as desired, calibrated up to military-grade artillery, for the safety of home and hearth, for the effective, non-judicial enforcement of undertaken obligations or responsibilities, and for the private enforcement of the new Gospels, prohibiting the practices of vaccination, birth prevention or abortion.
All books, essays and other writings are to be available for reading, (only) following official review by government inspectors, to ensure against content or thought, involving, smut, bodily, sexual or gender references, as well as shameful periods in the Nation’s history. Newspapers and media news reports are, previous to distribution, to be scrutinized by the government, for the purpose of assurance of compliance with the purity and anti-heresy, provisions of the new Gospels; tax credits are to be awarded to responsible, patriotic, private citizens, choosing, voluntarily and dutifully, to perform additional scrutiny.
Presently, underway, is an all-out, well-funded, official governmental inquiry, into the nature of the unknown, causative factors of the bizarre, paucity of libraries, museums, art galleries and theaters.
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